On Wednesday, May 26, 2021 at 5:40:00 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I am flashing on so much of my past these days it is eerie. Maybe my brain is too free of needing to concentrate on any one thing now. I drift along. Observing. Watching. I am seeing things differently. Will it make sense? I doubt it.
> It doesn't have to make sense. That is the most sensible thing of all. You are finally there, in the zone at last. You don't recognize it because it's new. Soon you will know it inside out, you will see firsthand the evolution of retirement. Already you are learning stuff I learned through the process of retirement. You are on your way to becoming a genius. Soon you will know everything and thoughts of suicide will pervade your brain as you long for the good old days of a work routine to keep you from losing your mind..
>
> "Anything, anything - I'll do anything, any position. Less money? Are you kidding me, I don't want the money - I'll pay to work. I'll give anything. Anything. Just let me work."

I would kill myself before going back to work.

> I would kill myself before going back to work.

It's going to happen either way because I already vowed that if you ever go back to work I am going to kill you.

On Thursday, May 27, 2021 at 9:59:58 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I would kill myself before going back to work.
> It's going to happen either way because I already vowed that if you ever go back to work I am going to kill you.

Thanks! I need the discouragement.

> Thanks! I need the discouragement.

How far from where you live is your old work place? Have you ever gone back to visit? Do you miss it in any way? Have you at any point even once considered going back? Tell me the truth or don't tell me anything.

Remember - the truth. The truth or I will see to it that you are returned to work whether you like it or not.

On Saturday, May 29, 2021 at 4:02:26 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Thanks! I need the discouragement.
> How far from where you live is your old work place? Have you ever gone back to visit? Do you miss it in any way? Have you at any point even once considered going back? Tell me the truth or don't tell me anything.
>
> Remember - the truth. The truth or I will see to it that you are returned to work whether you like it or not.

I am very close. It was a sweet gig. The best deal in my life. But still not sweet enough to keep doing it. I know we don't live forever and I want to start goofing off as soon as possible. I can live on very little. Always have. I saved a lot (but it can all go away at anytime).

I have not contacted anyone I worked with. I was friendly with them but not friends. Work and friends never last.

> I am very close. It was a sweet gig. The best deal in my life. But still not sweet enough to keep doing it. I know we don't live forever and I want to start goofing off as soon as possible. I can live on very little. Always have. I saved a lot (but it can all go away at anytime).
>
> I have not contacted anyone I worked with. I was friendly with them but not friends. Work and friends never last.

I have had mostly minimum wage jobs, working for the weekend. I wanted it that way. Plus even if I wanted better paying jobs I don't think I could have handled them. I am content with things the way everything turned out - so far. You can hold on to that money. I don't know how much it is but I know you can do it. I can tell. I have some compassion in me. But I swear I find it really hard to dig any up for people who live beyond their means. I know quite a few people like that - maybe the majority - and I resent it. To me they are addicts, every bit as much as any junkie. Also dangerous. Maybe not an immediate physical threat. You see them coming down the street you're not likely to run in the opposite direction. But long term they are dangerous because they want more than they have and you could be standing in their way. Watch out. Keep your eyes on the college crowd. Like Ted Bundy, on the surface they seem non threatening - but believe me, they are dangerous.

On Saturday, May 29, 2021 at 11:53:59 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I am very close. It was a sweet gig. The best deal in my life. But still not sweet enough to keep doing it. I know we don't live forever and I want to start goofing off as soon as possible. I can live on very little. Always have. I saved a lot (but it can all go away at anytime).
> >
> > I have not contacted anyone I worked with. I was friendly with them but not friends. Work and friends never last.
> I have had mostly minimum wage jobs, working for the weekend. I wanted it that way. Plus even if I wanted better paying jobs I don't think I could have handled them. I am content with things the way everything turned out - so far. You can hold on to that money. I don't know how much it is but I know you can do it. I can tell. I have some compassion in me. But I swear I find it really hard to dig any up for people who live beyond their means. I know quite a few people like that - maybe the majority - and I resent it. To me they are addicts, every bit as much as any junkie. Also dangerous. Maybe not an immediate physical threat. You see them coming down the street you're not likely to run in the opposite direction. But long term they are dangerous because they want more than they have and you could be standing in their way. Watch out. Keep your eyes on the college crowd. Like Ted Bundy, on the surface they seem non threatening - but believe me, they are dangerous.

Fact is we are living beyond our means. If I got a gun then I got the means.

> Fact is we are living beyond our means. If I got a gun then I got the means.

I knows what you means bro.

On Sunday, May 30, 2021 at 4:19:31 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Fact is we are living beyond our means. If I got a gun then I got the means.
> I knows what you means bro.

And I do means it.

> I knows what you means bro.

> And I do means it.

There is something romantic and almost freeing about living day to day with a rifle as your only companion. A powerful automatic weapon. On top of that maybe you've got similarly armed friends with you. A small group dedicated to protecting each other. Smart, well organized, ready. But all it takes is a gang with more gun power to do you in no matter how smart you might be. As they overtake group after group they issue the same edict: "Join us or die." Under the gun most will cry out, "Take me, sign me up, I'm in with you." As the ever growing gang of scum makes it way from rooftop to rooftop taking on new members and killing those who don't qualify they grow in size until they become the Army of Earth the same way Wyatt Earp and other outlaw scum became the law of the wild wild west. My point being, "Is one gun enough?" Even the world's most powerful gun? Against an ever evolving gang of scum I'm afraid the answer is no.

On Monday, May 31, 2021 at 2:32:06 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I knows what you means bro.
>
>
> > And I do means it.
> There is something romantic and almost freeing about living day to day with a rifle as your only companion. A powerful automatic weapon. On top of that maybe you've got similarly armed friends with you. A small group dedicated to protecting each other. Smart, well organized, ready. But all it takes is a gang with more gun power to do you in no matter how smart you might be. As they overtake group after group they issue the same edict: "Join us or die." Under the gun most will cry out, "Take me, sign me up, I'm in with you." As the ever growing gang of scum makes it way from rooftop to rooftop taking on new members and killing those who don't qualify they grow in size until they become the Army of Earth the same way Wyatt Earp and other outlaw scum became the law of the wild wild west. My point being, "Is one gun enough?" Even the world's most powerful gun? Against an ever evolving gang of scum I'm afraid the answer is no.

I see warlords as the normal way things work. We even now live in a warlord country ran by the political gangs. It won't get better than this. But it will get worse.

> I see warlords as the normal way things work. We even now live in a warlord country ran by the political gangs. It won't get better than this. But it will get worse.

It will definitely get worse. I have been saying that all my life and by God one of these days I know I'm going to be right.

On Tuesday, June 1, 2021 at 2:54:24 AM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I see warlords as the normal way things work. We even now live in a warlord country ran by the political gangs. It won't get better than this. But it will get worse.
> It will definitely get worse. I have been saying that all my life and by God one of these days I know I'm going to be right.

The more I think things are getting worse the better I am living. I now float in my pool in Florida while thinking about how afwful the world has become. I like it.

> The more I think things are getting worse the better I am living. I now float in my pool in Florida while thinking about how afwful the world has become. I like it.

I'm saving your post to the 'Ollie's gems' file. I can access your file on this computer unlike my stories because I have it in a separate file from the one this machine can't identify and open, blah blah blah. My favorite part of your post is, "I like it." Shows a positive attitude. I like that..

On Tuesday, June 1, 2021 at 5:34:11 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > The more I think things are getting worse the better I am living. I now float in my pool in Florida while thinking about how afwful the world has become. I like it.
> I'm saving your post to the 'Ollie's gems' file. I can access your file on this computer unlike my stories because I have it in a separate file from the one this machine can't identify and open, blah blah blah. My favorite part of your post is, "I like it." Shows a positive attitude. I like that.

The more things I like the less things I hate by comparison. I learned this from Gandhi. I also learned how to wipe my ass without getting too much on my fingernails from him. He was one all around guy.

> The more things I like the less things I hate by comparison. I learned this from Gandhi. I also learned how to wipe my ass without getting too much on my fingernails from him. He was one all around guy.

I don't hate much. I also don't love much, if anything. I'm just sort of there. Four days now without going out again. But I am not depressed. If I am I don't feel it. I'm just not in the mood for the outdoors treadmill and would never have one in my home. I think I told you before, when I was at the detox center in Allentown a counselor came in on day 2 giving me a pad and pencil and asking me to write down the top 10 things I hate. I thought, "This is going to be fun", but I could not think of even one thing I genuinely hated. It's like going to confession at the reform school. It's a Catholic place and it's mandatory. Going into the box and saying, "I have not sinned", I'm not sure that's been done before. Maybe it has. But I always felt obligated to name a few sins. I actually had to make them up, even the simple stuff. "I lied this week", or, "I wished ill will on someone", that sort of thing. So really I don't hate much of anything really. But I also don't love anything. I'm an in between man. Coo Coo Catcho..

On Wednesday, June 2, 2021 at 4:49:10 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > The more things I like the less things I hate by comparison. I learned this from Gandhi. I also learned how to wipe my ass without getting too much on my fingernails from him. He was one all around guy.
> I don't hate much. I also don't love much, if anything. I'm just sort of there. Four days now without going out again. But I am not depressed. If I am I don't feel it. I'm just not in the mood for the outdoors treadmill and would never have one in my home. I think I told you before, when I was at the detox center in Allentown a counselor came in on day 2 giving me a pad and pencil and asking me to write down the top 10 things I hate. I thought, "This is going to be fun", but I could not think of even one thing I genuinely hated. It's like going to confession at the reform school. It's a Catholic place and it's mandatory. Going into the box and saying, "I have not sinned", I'm not sure that's been done before. Maybe it has. But I always felt obligated to name a few sins. I actually had to make them up, even the simple stuff. "I lied this week", or, "I wished ill will on someone", that sort of thing. So really I don't hate much of anything really. But I also don't love anything. I'm an in between man. Coo Coo Catcho.

Indifference is a sin. The whole sin thing is a catch 22. Not sinning is a sin of pride. Remember on one is without sin. No one means no one. Except for the Virgin Mary. She was special.

> Indifference is a sin. The whole sin thing is a catch 22. Not sinning is a sin of pride. Remember on one is without sin. No one means no one. Except for the Virgin Mary. She was special.

How old was she when she died? Age at death means a lot. How can we judge a person worthy of heaven if they have not lived long enough to have a really fair shot at committing a sin? People who die young, really young, like infants, they are a shoe in for heaven. Is it shoo in or shoe in? I'm going to have to look that up now.

"This expression purportedly comes from the practice of corrupt jockeys holding their horses back and shooing a preselected winner across the finish line to guarantee that it will win. A “shoo-in” is now an easy winner, with no connotation of dishonesty. “Shoe-in” is a common misspelling."

Wow, if forced at gunpoint to choose shoo in or shoe in I would have gone with shoe in. All these years I never knew which it was and I never bothered to check. Anyway, the Virgin is a shoo in for Heaven on the basis of nepotism. I am sure she sinned at some point. I need to know more the Blessed Virgin for my judgment to be fair. Gonna have to read up on her, get the real lowdown, scope out her history, even if it means reading the entire bible start to finish.

On Saturday, June 5, 2021 at 2:03:26 AM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Indifference is a sin. The whole sin thing is a catch 22. Not sinning is a sin of pride. Remember on one is without sin. No one means no one. Except for the Virgin Mary. She was special.
> How old was she when she died? Age at death means a lot. How can we judge a person worthy of heaven if they have not lived long enough to have a really fair shot at committing a sin? People who die young, really young, like infants, they are a shoe in for heaven. Is it shoo in or shoe in? I'm going to have to look that up now.
>
> "This expression purportedly comes from the practice of corrupt jockeys holding their horses back and shooing a preselected winner across the finish line to guarantee that it will win. A “shoo-in” is now an easy winner, with no connotation of dishonesty. “Shoe-in” is a common misspelling."
>
> Wow, if forced at gunpoint to choose shoo in or shoe in I would have gone with shoe in. All these years I never knew which it was and I never bothered to check. Anyway, the Virgin is a shoo in for Heaven on the basis of nepotism. I am sure she sinned at some point. I need to know more the Blessed Virgin for my judgment to be fair. Gonna have to read up on her, get the real lowdown, scope out her history, even if it means reading the entire bible start to finish.

Of course she was a shoo in. They had no shoes in those days only sandals. If anything she was sandal in.

> Of course she was a shoo in. They had no shoes in those days only sandals. If anything she was sandal in.

She's almost there. She's got one sandal in the door.

On Sunday, June 6, 2021 at 12:25:41 AM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Of course she was a shoo in. They had no shoes in those days only sandals. If anything she was sandal in.
> She's almost there. She's got one sandal in the door.

She wore Jesus Sandals. Hard to get in those days. She would wait for a sale.