Official Leif Skyving Chronology:

1953: Leif Skyving born on a farm on the outskirts of Stockholm, Sweden.

1954: Skyving family brings young Leif to the United States of America,
settling in San Pedro, California.

1964: Leif enters 7th grade. Fellow students are mystified by his Swedish
name. Skyving loves the attention and later admits, "It's better than being
a Negro. I get all the attention and I don't have to live in a ghetto."

1980: The attention-loving Swedish-American officially declares himself a
standup comic.

1985: Skyving officially adopts the title "Sweden's Funniest Export", even
though he has lived in America all his life and has no discernable Swedish
accent.

1995: Skyving's comedy takes a decidely political turn. His fans begin to
desert him. He decides to abandon comedy in favor of a career in
politics.

2004: Skyving runs for the office of Mayor or Boise, Idaho. He wins.

2005: Skyving quits the mayoral job after just one day and becomes the
running partner of the Democratic candidate for The Presidency of The United States. The Democrats win. Skyving becomes Vice President of The United States.

2006: The President is assassinated. Skyving becomes President by
default. He is saddened but accepts the challenge.

2006: Two days after accepting the Presidency, Skyving is
assassinated by a disgruntled comic who is unable to accept that Skyving
abandoned the craft of comedy more than a decade before.

2006: Beloved American entertainer Dat Phan rushes home from entertaining American troops stationed in England. "I've got to get back home for the President's funeral", says the saddened national icon. "Bob Hope would have done the same thing."

2007: The Imperial Government of Japan demands that American forces abandon their alliance with France, Germany, and Great Britain. Skying's replacement refuses, saying, "In the name of the late great Leif Skyving, we will never cave in to these demands. Our forces will remain in Europe."

2007: Three days later, the ultimatum not met, Japan unleashes a massive
array of nuclear warheads in the direction of The United States. The very
first warhead lands on Skyving's gravesite, blasting the corpse of the
beloved Swede into the sky. America is devastated in the ensuing nuclear
attack. Three quarters of the population is wiped out.

2008: Five peasants overlooking a hill in Boise, Idaho see a spirit
floating above a cloud over Robie Creek Canyon. One of them remarks that it
looks like Leif Skyving. Other survivors of the nuclear holocaust flock to
the site, hoping to see the apparition. Every last one of them sees the
floating spirit and it is confirmed that the spirit is indeed that of Leif
Skyving.

2009: The world's newest religion - "Trancendental Skyvingism" - is
created. And the rest is history.

On Saturday, July 10, 2021 at 9:16:25 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> Official Leif Skyving Chronology:
>
> 1953: Leif Skyving born on a farm on the outskirts of Stockholm, Sweden.
>
> 1954: Skyving family brings young Leif to the United States of America,
> settling in San Pedro, California.
>
> 1964: Leif enters 7th grade. Fellow students are mystified by his Swedish
> name. Skyving loves the attention and later admits, "It's better than being
> a Negro. I get all the attention and I don't have to live in a ghetto."
>
> 1980: The attention-loving Swedish-American officially declares himself a
> standup comic.
>
> 1985: Skyving officially adopts the title "Sweden's Funniest Export", even
> though he has lived in America all his life and has no discernable Swedish
> accent.
>
> 1995: Skyving's comedy takes a decidely political turn. His fans begin to
> desert him. He decides to abandon comedy in favor of a career in
> politics.
>
> 2004: Skyving runs for the office of Mayor or Boise, Idaho. He wins.
>
> 2005: Skyving quits the mayoral job after just one day and becomes the
> running partner of the Democratic candidate for The Presidency of The United States. The Democrats win. Skyving becomes Vice President of The United States.
>
> 2006: The President is assassinated. Skyving becomes President by
> default. He is saddened but accepts the challenge.
>
> 2006: Two days after accepting the Presidency, Skyving is
> assassinated by a disgruntled comic who is unable to accept that Skyving
> abandoned the craft of comedy more than a decade before.
>
> 2006: Beloved American entertainer Dat Phan rushes home from entertaining American troops stationed in England. "I've got to get back home for the President's funeral", says the saddened national icon. "Bob Hope would have done the same thing."
>
> 2007: The Imperial Government of Japan demands that American forces abandon their alliance with France, Germany, and Great Britain. Skying's replacement refuses, saying, "In the name of the late great Leif Skyving, we will never cave in to these demands. Our forces will remain in Europe."
>
> 2007: Three days later, the ultimatum not met, Japan unleashes a massive
> array of nuclear warheads in the direction of The United States. The very
> first warhead lands on Skyving's gravesite, blasting the corpse of the
> beloved Swede into the sky. America is devastated in the ensuing nuclear
> attack. Three quarters of the population is wiped out.
>
> 2008: Five peasants overlooking a hill in Boise, Idaho see a spirit
> floating above a cloud over Robie Creek Canyon. One of them remarks that it
> looks like Leif Skyving. Other survivors of the nuclear holocaust flock to
> the site, hoping to see the apparition. Every last one of them sees the
> floating spirit and it is confirmed that the spirit is indeed that of Leif
> Skyving.
>
> 2009: The world's newest religion - "Trancendental Skyvingism" - is
> created. And the rest is history.

Another reason why the History channel is off the air.

> Another reason why the History channel is off the air.

Is it really off the air? I am satisfied with the package I got from the cable company. I have some complaints but overall I'm good with it. When the deal went down - not with me, with the building as a whole - some of my favorite channels were removed, TCM being one of them. Fine, I saw most of their movies even before their channel existed. I have some channels I'll turn to when things I like are on schedule. Otherwise I'm usually on MeTv or another stations, also in the 1200s devoted to music and singers from all decades, mostly standards and some obscure stuff now and then. So what I'm saying is I don't use the TV guide anymore. I will channel surf from time to time. But I could be missing some channels now for a year or more and not even know it. What a great feeling that is.

On Sunday, July 11, 2021 at 5:40:01 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Another reason why the History channel is off the air.
> Is it really off the air? I am satisfied with the package I got from the cable company. I have some complaints but overall I'm good with it. When the deal went down - not with me, with the building as a whole - some of my favorite channels were removed, TCM being one of them. Fine, I saw most of their movies even before their channel existed. I have some channels I'll turn to when things I like are on schedule. Otherwise I'm usually on MeTv or another stations, also in the 1200s devoted to music and singers from all decades, mostly standards and some obscure stuff now and then. So what I'm saying is I don't use the TV guide anymore. I will channel surf from time to time. But I could be missing some channels now for a year or more and not even know it. What a great feeling that is.

Missing out is the new being hep. I brag about what I am missing and what I am missing is nothing.

> Missing out is the new being hep. I brag about what I am missing and what I am missing is nothing.

I agree. I have been hep a long time. I have long bragged about missing out on things. No joking, I love it. I love it more today than I did yesterday and I'll love it more tomorrow than I do today, It's one of those things like fine wine that just gets better with age. Of course the young guns are going to claim we're just faking, that we actually feel bad about missing out. They will judge us strictly on our age, same as others have through all generations. Most others. There are exceptions. I am one. And now I see from your comments that you are one as well. Welcome to the club. Even if you don't want to join, that's fine - you're still welcome. Everything is like so serene and open. The less future I see before me the more cocooned in comfort I become.

On Tuesday, July 13, 2021 at 12:33:20 AM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Missing out is the new being hep. I brag about what I am missing and what I am missing is nothing.
> I agree. I have been hep a long time. I have long bragged about missing out on things. No joking, I love it. I love it more today than I did yesterday and I'll love it more tomorrow than I do today, It's one of those things like fine wine that just gets better with age. Of course the young guns are going to claim we're just faking, that we actually feel bad about missing out. They will judge us strictly on our age, same as others have through all generations. Most others. There are exceptions. I am one. And now I see from your comments that you are one as well. Welcome to the club. Even if you don't want to join, that's fine - you're still welcome. Everything is like so serene and open. The less future I see before me the more cocooned in comfort I become.

Came up from the pool. Nice day for it. Water is 88 degrees. Floating around thinking of what was and what is and what will be. Mostly thinking about thinking.

> Came up from the pool. Nice day for it. Water is 88 degrees. Floating around thinking of what was and what is and what will be. Mostly thinking about thinking.

Funny you should mention this. Only yesterday I was reading in the New England School of Medicine's monthly pamphlet that water has an 88 degree tipping point where it doesn't know if it's going to live or die - it's right on the edge - like a midlife crisis only more severe. It is at 88 degrees on the button that most water-borne germs come to raging hormonal life, seeing everything in their path as a potential mate. That's how people get sick from germs, especially in the water. The germs are not aggressive. They are not evil. They are simply all hornied up with need. The need to mate. In the process there's a lot of collateral damage and people get sick, but it's not the germs fault. Get that water temperature down 4 or 5 degrees and you'll be alright. Go too high, that will kill the germs too. But if you go high - above 88 - you will have to pass through the danger of the tipping point - that point where a germ doesn't know if it's going to live or die. I love a good pool. Always have. But the older I get - depending on the pool and how many people are using it - I tend to see it more as a source of slime - like an aquarium that was bought with pride but treated with no respect, never cleaned, the water murky, the few fish still living within up near the surface gulping for oxygen.

On Tuesday, July 13, 2021 at 3:21:25 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Came up from the pool. Nice day for it. Water is 88 degrees. Floating around thinking of what was and what is and what will be. Mostly thinking about thinking.
> Funny you should mention this. Only yesterday I was reading in the New England School of Medicine's monthly pamphlet that water has an 88 degree tipping point where it doesn't know if it's going to live or die - it's right on the edge - like a midlife crisis only more severe. It is at 88 degrees on the button that most water-borne germs come to raging hormonal life, seeing everything in their path as a potential mate. That's how people get sick from germs, especially in the water. The germs are not aggressive. They are not evil. They are simply all hornied up with need. The need to mate. In the process there's a lot of collateral damage and people get sick, but it's not the germs fault. Get that water temperature down 4 or 5 degrees and you'll be alright. Go too high, that will kill the germs too. But if you go high - above 88 - you will have to pass through the danger of the tipping point - that point where a germ doesn't know if it's going to live or die. I love a good pool. Always have. But the older I get - del is przpending on the pool and how many people are using it - I tend to see it more as a source of slime - like an aquarium that was bought with pride but treated with no respect, never cleaned, the water murky, the few fish still living within up near the surface gulping for oxygen.

My pool is private. Only my slime is allowed. Exclusive.

> My pool is private. Only my slime is allowed. Exclusive.

The Upper Crust of the Pudding of Stench.

On Wednesday, July 14, 2021 at 3:41:43 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > My pool is private. Only my slime is allowed. Exclusive.
> The Upper Crust of the Pudding of Stench.

You know how their are signs about peeing in the pool? Well if I wanted to I could shit in mine.

> You know how their are signs about peeing in the pool? Well if I wanted to I could shit in mine.

I saw a turd floating on the bottom of the deep end of the Allentown Municipal pool. I steered clear of it. I was not astonished. I wasn't expecting but was not blown away because I myself was the kind of guy who would do such a thing. I accepted it as part of normal life and moved on. I did tell other people about it though. I enjoyed their reactions. I didn't know Mr. Shit at that time. I was just a kid. But looking back it's kind of like our relationship was written in the stars, perhaps the very day I saw that turd floating in the pool and saw myself as the intruder, not the turd.

On Thursday, July 15, 2021 at 4:09:59 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > You know how their are signs about peeing in the pool? Well if I wanted to I could shit in mine.
> I saw a turd floating on the bottom of the deep end of the Allentown Municipal pool. I steered clear of it. I was not astonished. I wasn't expecting but was not blown away because I myself was the kind of guy who would do such a thing. I accepted it as part of normal life and moved on. I did tell other people about it though. I enjoyed their reactions. I didn't know Mr. Shit at that time. I was just a kid. But looking back it's kind of like our relationship was written in the stars, perhaps the very day I saw that turd floating in the pool and saw myself as the intruder, not the turd.

One turn in a pool does not make a sewer. Remember that. You will be tested later. A pass or fail pop up quiz.

> One turn in a pool does not make a sewer. Remember that. You will be tested later. A pass or fail pop up quiz.

It was funny to imagine how it got there. Could have been a dog turd brought it from somewhere else. Or a human turd, same thing - doesn't mean it was shot directly from the ass under water. It's aloneness in that big pool was interesting, the way it clung to the bottom but not entirely, moving slightly with each human caused wave above. Was it seeking solitude? Did it want to crawl up out of the water and return to the asshole to shot it free? What was it going through? I felt for that turd. I saw it as something lost in the desert or stranded on a mountain. Hey, that reminds me, how much money do you think a guy would make if he could come up with a device that allows a person to smell even underwater.

On Friday, July 16, 2021 at 6:34:46 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > One turn in a pool does not make a sewer. Remember that. You will be tested later. A pass or fail pop up quiz.
> It was funny to imagine how it got there. Could have been a dog turd brought it from somewhere else. Or a human turd, same thing - doesn't mean it was shot directly from the ass under water. It's aloneness in that big pool was interesting, the way it clung to the bottom but not entirely, moving slightly with each human caused wave above. Was it seeking solitude? Did it want to crawl up out of the water and return to the asshole to shot it free? What was it going through? I felt for that turd. I saw it as something lost in the desert or stranded on a mountain. Hey, that reminds me, how much money do you think a guy would make if he could come up with a device that allows a person to smell even underwater.

A turd from outer space. It evolved into the blob.

> A turd from outer space. It evolved into the blob.

The blob does not emit a stink. But it leaves a stink on everything it comes in direct contact with. If you are enveloped by a blob you will not smell it. The experience is so oddball and hard for your mind to take that you might imagine a smell to it, but it's all in your mind. The blob envelopes you and chokes you out. Only after waking up do you smell it's real reek, the one it has left all over your body, like a million slime trails from a million snails.

On Sunday, July 18, 2021 at 5:16:07 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > A turd from outer space. It evolved into the blob.
> The blob does not emit a stink. But it leaves a stink on everything it comes in direct contact with. If you are enveloped by a blob you will not smell it. The experience is so oddball and hard for your mind to take that you might imagine a smell to it, but it's all in your mind. The blob envelopes you and chokes you out. Only after waking up do you smell it's real reek, the one it has left all over your body, like a million slime trails from a million snails.

Each time the blob absorbs a person it grows bigger. How big would the blob be it it absorbed a billion people? You have 5 minutes to compute the answer.

> Each time the blob absorbs a person it grows bigger. How big would the blob be it it absorbed a billion people? You have 5 minutes to compute the answer.

I'm calling Mr. Shit in on this one because all creatures without exception take shits. So even as the blob turns pound after pound of non blob meat into itself it still has to shit some of it. How much? That is not known. But if anyone can get rolling on the answer it's Mr. Shit. I notice lately you are very interested in the blob. Why? Does it somehow represent your life or perhaps what you want most to be in life? I know I wouldn't mind being a blob. But not a needy type. Not the type that needs to go out and destroy stuff just to keep its belly full. I want to be a gentle blob - the kind people can step all over with ease but will typically leave it alone because it is seen as non threatening.

On Monday, July 19, 2021 at 8:10:50 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Each time the blob absorbs a person it grows bigger. How big would the blob be it it absorbed a billion people? You have 5 minutes to compute the answer.
> I'm calling Mr. Shit in on this one because all creatures without exception take shits. So even as the blob turns pound after pound of non blob meat into itself it still has to shit some of it. How much? That is not known. But if anyone can get rolling on the answer it's Mr. Shit. I notice lately you are very interested in the blob. Why? Does it somehow represent your life or perhaps what you want most to be in life? I know I wouldn't mind being a blob. But not a needy type. Not the type that needs to go out and destroy stuff just to keep its belly full. I want to be a gentle blob - the kind people can step all over with ease but will typically leave it alone because it is seen as non threatening.

Blob shit. Interesting it was left out of the movie. Damn censors.

> Blob shit. Interesting it was left out of the movie. Damn censors.

It was all censorship. But well schooled blob scholars and regular day to day blob aficionados know what's going on. Like when they tracked the blob, when they knew it's every movement even though they could not stop it - it was the blob's shit they were tracking. I like censorship. Let the idiots who can't figure it out on their own live on in darkness. Too much is explained to the cinema idiots today. Like when a guy tells his buddy, "Uh, excuse me, I've got to take a shit", how do we know for sure that's what he's really going to do? That's why the camera would follow the principal characters at all times no matter where they go or what what they do. We need to know everything.

On Wednesday, July 21, 2021 at 4:08:25 AM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > Blob shit. Interesting it was left out of the movie. Damn censors.
> It was all censorship. But well schooled blob scholars and regular day to day blob aficionados know what's going on. Like when they tracked the blob, when they knew it's every movement even though they could not stop it - it was the blob's shit they were tracking. I like censorship. Let the idiots who can't figure it out on their own live on in darkness. Too much is explained to the cinema idiots today. Like when a guy tells his buddy, "Uh, excuse me, I've got to take a shit", how do we know for sure that's what he's really going to do? That's why the camera would follow the principal characters at all times no matter where they go or what what they do. We need to know everything.

No argument from me. Like the guy said the amateurs' have taken over. The offspring of the professionals. Genetics seldom works for talent.

> No argument from me. Like the guy said the amateurs' have taken over. The offspring of the professionals. Genetics seldom works for talent.

Only in athletics. I can see that. I've always believed in it too. I'm not saying someone has to be athletic just because their parents were athletes, but size and strength are more readily and obviously inherited than intelligence or ingenuity or talent. Talent is over rated anyway. I mean, it's important. Maybe the most important thing of all. But it only has to be important to one person - the guy running the show. The actors don't have to be talented. The writers can be hack. The director a yes man all the way. It doesn't matter as long as the guy running the show has it all together. And right now that guy is me. Everything is going fine. Trust me.

On Wednesday, July 21, 2021 at 4:19:36 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > No argument from me. Like the guy said the amateurs' have taken over. The offspring of the professionals. Genetics seldom works for talent.
> Only in athletics. I can see that. I've always believed in it too. I'm not saying someone has to be athletic just because their parents were athletes, but size and strength are more readily and obviously inherited than intelligence or ingenuity or talent. Talent is over rated anyway. I mean, it's important. Maybe the most important thing of all. But it only has to be important to one person - the guy running the show. The actors don't have to be talented. The writers can be hack. The director a yes man all the way. It doesn't matter as long as the guy running the show has it all together. And right now that guy is me. Everything is going fine. Trust me.

My ability to trust is gone. All used up. I trusted so many with so much for so long that it is all gone. trust me when i say this is true.

> My ability to trust is gone. All used up. I trusted so many with so much for so long that it is all gone. trust me when I say this is true.

You are pulling a reverse-Skyving on me. I've seen it before. A guy gives money to a guy carrying an empty gas can then watches as he uses the cash to buy booze. "Never again", says. "That's the last time I'm giving money to anybody." Now of course he does not need an excuse, if he doesn't want to give he doesn't have to. But he can't just say "No", that could be seen as cruel or uncaring, so when the "Never Again" opportunity comes along they've got to grab at it as you did just now in claiming all your trust is gone - as an excuse to never have to trust anybody ever again, including even me, the most trustworthy human on earth. I am insulted. I am hurt.

On Thursday, July 22, 2021 at 4:21:55 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > My ability to trust is gone. All used up. I trusted so many with so much for so long that it is all gone. trust me when I say this is true.
>
>
> You are pulling a reverse-Skyving on me. I've seen it before. A guy gives money to a guy carrying an empty gas can then watches as he uses the cash to buy booze. "Never again", says. "That's the last time I'm giving money to anybody." Now of course he does not need an excuse, if he doesn't want to give he doesn't have to. But he can't just say "No", that could be seen as cruel or uncaring, so when the "Never Again" opportunity comes along they've got to grab at it as you did just now in claiming all your trust is gone - as an excuse to never have to trust anybody ever again, including even me, the most trustworthy human on earth. I am insulted. I am hurt.

Trust me when I tell you the hurt will pass.

> Trust me when I tell you the hurt will pass.

Pardon my egotism, but I am in genuine pain right now. Have been for nearly a week. Waiting for that chiropractor visit Monday. Some suggest I see a doctor now. They could be right. I can hardly move. I am moaning all the time. It goes from ass down the right side of my hip to my thigh to the knee. It comes and goes, mostly comes. I can't find a decent position to sleep in. I wish this pain would pass. Maybe I'll get lucky Monday and the guy will snap something back into place. But I doubt it. I can't figure out how it happened although I'm pretty sure it's related to some of the few exercises I do. Not blaming the exercise. I may have done something incorrectly. Or it could be bone cancer. I could handle that too. If I can get some pain meds. Just let me go. I will die at home. If possible.

Be nice to cut one gigantic fart bigger than any you've ever cut in your life and at that one moment - a full minute fart - not a series of farts either - or a string of small ones making up a large one - NO!, we are talking about an unbroken one minute fart - and in the one moment everything negative comes out all at once, built up snot, corroded turds along the intestinal tract, foul odors of every stripe, all kinds of pain both physical and mental - cured all at once by one long unbroken fart that bundles up everything negative and sweeps it out of your life. And it stinks. Bad. Real bad. So bad you can't stop smelling it. Then the smell dissipates. And there you are, fresh and clean and ready to embark on your new life with a clean slate.