LONDON (AP) — Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor wasn’t born to wear the
crown. But destiny intervened.

The woman who became Queen Elizabeth II will mark 70 years on the throne
Sunday, an unprecedented reign that has made her a symbol of stability
as the United Kingdom navigated an age of uncertainty.

https://apnews.com/article/queen-elizabeth-ii-70-years-ab40326fbd7bdca7a536ece0497f2da7

In my house growing up, if you spent more than 5 minutes on the throne,
someone would be banging on the bathroom door yelling at you to get out.

"Judith Latham" wrote in message news:stktv8$u4q$1@dont-email.me...

LONDON (AP) — Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor wasn’t born to wear the
crown. But destiny intervened.

The woman who became Queen Elizabeth II will mark 70 years on the throne
Sunday, an unprecedented reign that has made her a symbol of stability
as the United Kingdom navigated an age of uncertainty.

https://apnews.com/article/queen-elizabeth-ii-70-years-ab40326fbd7bdca7a536ece0497f2da7

You fake jew you've betrayed yourself as a miserable rabid dracula fan club
member — Prince Charles and all his pedophilia and blood drinking and child
murder sacrifice — Judith the fake jew yes you would be all interested in a
blood drinking fake royal family — and why are you bringing all this OT shit
in alt.life.sucks — If you are trying to talk about Prince Charles and his
blood sucking and little boy pedophile penis sucking then please get on with
it — instead of some fluff piece about that lizard witch Elizabeth — by the
way I would love to know what shoe size you wear? — or are you still
barefoot like the primitive animal I remember you as in your insect infected
dungeon and filthy too — It must be a real hassle looking through bins and
bins of new and recycled woman's clothing and you still can't find anything
the size of a circus tent yet — Bozo will get mighty upset if you go ahead
and steal the circus tent just so you can put something on that titanic
sized body of yours — by the way good luck with that weight problem you
suffer from — you big disgusting tub of goo — and I will tell you one more
time you Jezebel sex pervert fake jew — you most certainly don't ever FAST —
and you never PRAY — Thus you are a fake jew — You live for nothing but your
stomach and then go ahead and talk about me wanting to fist fuck your
pathetic Steve McQueen style BLOB of a creature you really are — Why don't
you keep your Off Topic OT crap out of this newsgroup you crazy bloated
transvestite — Judith Latham is not only a fake jew she is a fake woman —
Judith Latham transgender sex change operation penis removed and now stored
in jar of formaldehyde — and now tries to be the fake woman queen of
dominatrix usenet oppression — you can't get away with that total sham you
fake jew fake woman — Judith Latham the fake jew os never fasting and always
dreaming of cream puffs.

In my house growing up, if you spent more than 5 minutes on the throne,
someone would be banging on the bathroom door yelling at you to get out.

Judith Latham wrote:

> In my house growing up, if you spent more than 5 minutes on the throne,
> someone would be banging on the bathroom door yelling at you to get out.

At my grandparents house where great meals were made and devoured every day, one day at super time I had a horrible stomach ache that required me to use the bathroom upstairs. I got up to hit the stairs. My grandmother rarely barked, but for some reason she did that day. "You leave this table, you're not eating", she said. So I grabbed my loaded plate and raced up the steps and sat on the toilet, eating a really great meal and taking a much needed shit at the same time.

I love toilet stories, especially the true ones. Like the time I sat down on the toilet and saw a spider crawling up the side. I was creeped out, especially at bowl movement time. I got up to hunt it down and kill it. But somehow it had eluded me. I looked everywhere, or so I thought, under the lid, back of the toilet, you name it I looked. I could not shit in that room knowing the spider was there, ready to pop out at just the wrong moment, like just when my turd is rolling out.

So I got up and left the bathroom and went down to the kitchen. No one was home that day, just me. I spread out a bunch of newspaper and squatted low. Wow, what a steamer. What a great way to take a crap. I felt like a Manhattan fish monger as I rolled up the edges of the paper and folded them together, a neat package for the recycle bin of life we call the dumpster.

On 2/5/2022 7:10 PM, Thomas Joseph wrote:
> Judith Latham wrote:
>
>> In my house growing up, if you spent more than 5 minutes on the throne,
>> someone would be banging on the bathroom door yelling at you to get out.
>
>
> At my grandparents house where great meals were made and devoured every day, one day at super time I had a horrible stomach ache that required me to use the bathroom upstairs. I got up to hit the stairs. My grandmother rarely barked, but for some reason she did that day. "You leave this table, you're not eating", she said. So I grabbed my loaded plate and raced up the steps and sat on the toilet, eating a really great meal and taking a much needed shit at the same time.
>
> I love toilet stories, especially the true ones. Like the time I sat down on the toilet and saw a spider crawling up the side. I was creeped out, especially at bowl movement time. I got up to hunt it down and kill it. But somehow it had eluded me. I looked everywhere, or so I thought, under the lid, back of the toilet, you name it I looked. I could not shit in that room knowing the spider was there, ready to pop out at just the wrong moment, like just when my turd is rolling out.
>
> So I got up and left the bathroom and went down to the kitchen. No one was home that day, just me. I spread out a bunch of newspaper and squatted low. Wow, what a steamer. What a great way to take a crap. I felt like a Manhattan fish monger as I rolled up the edges of the paper and folded them together, a neat package for the recycle bin of life we call the dumpster.

Try taking a comfortable shit some day in a roadside gas station's
public bathroom. These places have NEVER been cleaned, and if they
provide any toilet tissue at all, it's the cheapest brand known to man.
My sister Fanny had the misfortune of needing to take a wicked shit one
day and nobody who was with her was going to be able to change her mind
about using such a facility. She was okayed to use the bathroom but
found to her disgust that there was no toilet paper. There was an old
oily rag laying on the floor so Fanny used that to wipe her ass. Walking
back to the car, the gas station attendant screamed out to Fanny that
she had used his tee shirt to clean herself. When she explained that she
thought it was just a rag he called her "Pig!". Big mistake on his part.
Fanny knocked him out with one punch and then grabbed him by his hair.
She pulled him back into the bathroom and shoved his head into the
toilet, which hadn't fully flushed after Fanny's shit. Needless to say,
Fanny felt great afterwards.

Judith Latham wrote:

> Try taking a comfortable shit some day in a roadside gas station's
> public bathroom. These places have NEVER been cleaned, and if they
> provide any toilet tissue at all, it's the cheapest brand known to man.

Your talking to an old time hitch hiker. There were times, stranded in 5 degree weather, when even the smelliest restroom was a luxury sweet. Pull down the top seat and curl up shivering. Better than being outside though. Yes, I have used many public restrooms. Also proud to announce that one night outside of Amarillo Texas I dropped a huge one-piece turd on the yellow lane divider and left it steaming there for car tires to pound into the ground. This is a lovely topic and I want to reply to what I have not yet read here. I am sending this made up story along because I thought it was funny when I wrote it about 20 some years ago although I had the idea for it years before I wrote it down. I never like the versions I write of it, but I like the concept. The concept of a nut case thinking other nut cases are nuttier than he is when really he is the nuttiest of all. Here it is........from the files of Thomas Joseph

////////////////////////

A Day in The Life of Mr. Shit

The other day I was on my way into a service-station restroom to conduct a survey on the comparative cleanliness of oil company facilities in my area. That's my job.  I will not divulge the name of the station or the company for which I work.

As I was walking into the restroom the proprietor was walking out. He turned and said, "Don't go in there, it stinks to the high heavens."

"It's a restroom", I said, "it's supposed to stink."

"This is different", he said. "Some guy just walked out of there and - I can't believe what I saw - he left a load of perfectly shaped turds in the bowl - perfectly shaped, like those little round bon-bon candies you get at the movie theater.  Really insane.  There must be a hundred of them in that bowl."

"Did you flush them down?", I said.

"You kidding? I'm not going back in there without a gas mask. I'm telling you, that guy was a real looney.  I knew the minute I saw him walking out of there he was a nut case - a hundred little turds in one toilet, Jeezus - and a reek that'll knock your socks off."

"Well", I said, "I'm going in, I have business to attend to."

After conducting my evaluation of the restroom's cleanliness I departed the room and passed the proprietor on my way back to the company car.

"Well", I told him, "it looks like you were wrong."

"Wrong?", he boomed.  "What the hell are you talking about?  Are you telling me that bathroom doesn’t stink?"

"Oh, it stinks alright", I said.  "But you were wrong about the turds.  You said there were a hundred of them. ........ Well, I counted them and there were only ninety seven."

Postscript: Other than the stench and the un-flushed turds the restroom was quite clean. I wanted to give it a B+ but wound up giving it only a B because I noticed on entering the restroom that the proprietor had foul breath and dirty fingernails. I did not care for his attitude. I also have no place for people who can’t count or are just too lazy to try. That’s a proprietor who doesn't care. I should have given him a C. But that would have been unfair because other than the natural smell of un-flushed turd meat it was a pretty clean establishment. Thanks for listening to my report.

Mr. Shit

Judith Latham wrote:

> Try taking a comfortable shit some day in a roadside gas station's
> public bathroom. These places have NEVER been cleaned, and if they
> provide any toilet tissue at all, it's the cheapest brand known to man.
> My sister Fanny had the misfortune of needing to take a wicked shit one
> day and nobody who was with her was going to be able to change her mind
> about using such a facility. She was okayed to use the bathroom but
> found to her disgust that there was no toilet paper. There was an old
> oily rag laying on the floor so Fanny used that to wipe her ass. Walking
> back to the car, the gas station attendant screamed out to Fanny that
> she had used his tee shirt to clean herself. When she explained that she
> thought it was just a rag he called her "Pig!". Big mistake on his part.
> Fanny knocked him out with one punch and then grabbed him by his hair.
> She pulled him back into the bathroom and shoved his head into the
> toilet, which hadn't fully flushed after Fanny's shit. Needless to say,
> Fanny felt great afterwards.

Judith Latham wrote:

> My sister Fanny had the misfortune of needing to take a wicked shit one
> day and nobody who was with her was going to be able to change her mind
> about using such a facility. She was okayed to use the bathroom but
> found to her disgust that there was no toilet paper. There was an old
> oily rag laying on the floor so Fanny used that to wipe her ass. Walking
> back to the car, the gas station attendant screamed out to Fanny that
> she had used his tee shirt to clean herself. When she explained that she
> thought it was just a rag he called her "Pig!". Big mistake on his part.
> Fanny knocked him out with one punch and then grabbed him by his hair.
> She pulled him back into the bathroom and shoved his head into the
> toilet, which hadn't fully flushed after Fanny's shit. Needless to say,
> Fanny felt great afterwards.

True or false a funny story. Thinking a shirt was an oily rag - lying on the floor! Come on, nobody puts an oily rag on the floor - she should have known it was a shirt. Hah hah. How about those big keys they give you - the wooden post with the keys screwed into it? I'd always use a paper towel to carry it, if I could find one. Also, even with good toilet paper, with my ass problems it's never strong enough. I use cheap paper towels. Much better. And I flush them too, same with baby wipes. I don't care. I never had them back up on me. If they cause a problem down the line in route to the sewer, any complaints on the matter should be taken up with the 3 separate gastrointestinal doctors who put me on every machine known to man to run up the Medicaid bill and did absolutely nothing for me. I am living with it. No more doctors. I am serious. I have zero faith in them or their racket. If I can't breathe or am in serious pain, ok, I'll go to the emergency room. Otherwise, diminishing eye sight, etc., the signs of getting older, including the gut issues, I'm just going to live with them. I have some bad habits, but taking every fucking prescription under the sun isn't one of them. I take only valium, and that is by choice. The creep family doctor forced blood pressure meds on me a few years back and I thought maybe they were the cause of my gut problem, so I slowly weaned down from 20 mils to 10, then to 5, then to zero where I have stayed for several years. What a fucking racket, especially the numbers game - the cholesterol and all that shit. I would never take those pills. Never. I will say this, I don't touch anything in a restroom, not even my own. I mean the toilet. I use a lot of paper towels, about 7 rolls a week. I use them for cleaning dishes, the counters, everything. Better than a bunch of oily rags.