I have no passion. People without passion cannot love. But they also cannot hate. True neutrality. But you know what I really hate? I hate when I tell people I am incapable of hate and they call me a liar. That’s even worse. God, I hate that.

The other day a guy suggested I should get up and get out more. “Find something you love to do”, he barked, “then do it!”

“But I don’t love anything”, I told him.

“You love many things”, he announced, index finger held to the sky, like a teacher with a pointer at the blackboard. “You have love, but you have buried it so deep within yourself you can’t see it.” I figured that was the end of his speech before he added with great bravado: “I can help you find your love.”

“But if you help me find my love, doesn’t that mean all the hate I’ve got buried inside will come tumbling out as well?”

“That’s up to you”, he said.

“I’d like an answer”, I replied.

“Ok”, he said, “probably so. But it can be controlled. Both love and hate can be controlled. You need passion in your life - enough passion to love to the max, and to kill when you can’t find the love you’re after.”

I was genuinely befuddled. “You mean if you restore my passion I might go out and kill somebody?”

He laughed. “Somebody? Hell, you might kill a whole bunch of them..”

I was bored with the conversation. I told him so. “I hate talking about this kind of shit”, I said.

“See, your passion is returning already. Sometimes it starts with hate, but that opens the door to love. It seems you are on your way.”

And I was. I could feel it. The sermon this clown laid on me had me double twisted up with hate, and I let him know it. I could feel my wrists and fingers tightening up with the wild yearn known only to stranglers. I jumped on the dude. I put my hands around his neck and squeezed. Even with all that pressure on his trachea and voice box I could hear his muffled screams pouring free. And I loved it. Yes, it was a month ago that I learned that hate can lead to love, and I am writing this from the NC State Prison where I am doing 20 to life on a crime of passion beef.