I very recently posed this question on rec.food.cooking, and although I
did receive a few responses, none answered my question directly. Last
week I was having lunch with two of my lady friends from my cats group.
After a hearty meal of chili beans and rice, my friend Jill let out a
fart for the ages. It was loud and it stunk. After a moment of tense
silence, I asked her was she going to at least say "excuse me". My other
friend, Carol, chimed in that farting after a nice meal was perfectly
acceptable and was meant as a compliment to the chef. She said it was an
eastern European custom, which I have to admit I had never heard before.
Jill said that although she wasn't from eastern Europe, it was a custom
that she adopted. She then proceeded to cut another one, which was even
louder than the first. While I had a look of disgust on my face, Carol
had this big grin on her face as she let loose with a silent but deadly.
I nearly puked from the smell. Getting back to my original question: Is
it impolite to fart at the dinner table?

> I very recently posed this question on rec.food.cooking, and although I
> did receive a few responses, none answered my question directly. Last
> week I was having lunch with two of my lady friends from my cats group.
> After a hearty meal of chili beans and rice, my friend Jill let out a
> fart for the ages. It was loud and it stunk. After a moment of tense
> silence, I asked her was she going to at least say "excuse me". My other
> friend, Carol, chimed in that farting after a nice meal was perfectly
> acceptable and was meant as a compliment to the chef. She said it was an
> eastern European custom, which I have to admit I had never heard before.
> Jill said that although she wasn't from eastern Europe, it was a custom
> that she adopted. She then proceeded to cut another one, which was even
> louder than the first. While I had a look of disgust on my face, Carol
> had this big grin on her face as she let loose with a silent but deadly.
> I nearly puked from the smell. Getting back to my original question: Is
> it impolite to fart at the dinner table?

First of all I don't have a dinner table and I prefer to eat alone. In answer to your question - my opinion only (which on the topic of farts is certifiable) - I don't think it's impolite to fart at the dinner table or anywhere else for that matter. Once something is established as "not impolite", the next step is to ask, "Is it polite?" Of course it's not polite to fart at the dinner table. But just because it's not polite does not mean it's impolite either. It's somewhere in between, just floating around, kind of like a fart itself. Farts are wanderers, aren't they? I believe that you as a wandering Jew appreciate that which is why the topic fascinates you. But you are not alone. All humans are attracted to farts one way or the other. Even to endure the stinkiest puke-worthy fart ever laid is an odd pleasure of sorts, akin to any event or sight that makes me go, "Ewwww", while at the same time not being able to turn away. Farts are magnetic.

As for the food group, let's not forget they are there to talk about food. I think some of them do a pretty good job of swinging into other topics. I have only been to a few newsgroups, rec.food.cooking being one of them. I could understand them getting pissed if people bombarded the group with one off topic thread after another. But the ones who bitch about threads they are not a part of or threads that swung on their own in another direction - those people are NC - itom - Newsgroup Czars - in their own minds. But wait, we were talking about farts. Your comment about the second fart being really loud made me think of another reason why farts are loud. You remember the old joke from when we were kids, don't you? "Why do farts smell?" - "So deaf people can enjoy them too." Your comment made me look at it in reverse. Why are farts loud? To warn people that smell is on the way. To warn or to alert in a good way - an announcement of sorts, and now Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting perhaps the stinkiest smell of the night we bring you - uh, wait a minute, ah yes, I think I can smell it coming now! Here it is!

On 9/22/2021 5:35 PM, Thomas Joseph wrote:
>
>> I very recently posed this question on rec.food.cooking, and although I
>> did receive a few responses, none answered my question directly. Last
>> week I was having lunch with two of my lady friends from my cats group.
>> After a hearty meal of chili beans and rice, my friend Jill let out a
>> fart for the ages. It was loud and it stunk. After a moment of tense
>> silence, I asked her was she going to at least say "excuse me". My other
>> friend, Carol, chimed in that farting after a nice meal was perfectly
>> acceptable and was meant as a compliment to the chef. She said it was an
>> eastern European custom, which I have to admit I had never heard before.
>> Jill said that although she wasn't from eastern Europe, it was a custom
>> that she adopted. She then proceeded to cut another one, which was even
>> louder than the first. While I had a look of disgust on my face, Carol
>> had this big grin on her face as she let loose with a silent but deadly.
>> I nearly puked from the smell. Getting back to my original question: Is
>> it impolite to fart at the dinner table?
>
> First of all I don't have a dinner table and I prefer to eat alone. In answer to your question - my opinion only (which on the topic of farts is certifiable) - I don't think it's impolite to fart at the dinner table or anywhere else for that matter. Once something is established as "not impolite", the next step is to ask, "Is it polite?" Of course it's not polite to fart at the dinner table. But just because it's not polite does not mean it's impolite either. It's somewhere in between, just floating around, kind of like a fart itself. Farts are wanderers, aren't they? I believe that you as a wandering Jew appreciate that which is why the topic fascinates you. But you are not alone. All humans are attracted to farts one way or the other. Even to endure the stinkiest puke-worthy fart ever laid is an odd pleasure of sorts, akin to any event or sight that makes me go, "Ewwww", while at the same time not being able to turn away. Farts are magnetic.
>
> As for the food group, let's not forget they are there to talk about food. I think some of them do a pretty good job of swinging into other topics. I have only been to a few newsgroups, rec.food.cooking being one of them. I could understand them getting pissed if people bombarded the group with one off topic thread after another. But the ones who bitch about threads they are not a part of or threads that swung on their own in another direction - those people are NC - itom - Newsgroup Czars - in their own minds. But wait, we were talking about farts. Your comment about the second fart being really loud made me think of another reason why farts are loud. You remember the old joke from when we were kids, don't you? "Why do farts smell?" - "So deaf people can enjoy them too." Your comment made me look at it in reverse. Why are farts loud? To warn people that smell is on the way. To warn or to alert in a good way - an announcement of sorts, and now Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting perhaps the stinkiest smell of the night we bring you - uh, wait a minute, ah yes, I think I can smell it coming now! Here it is!
>

I always like the perspective you bring to the table. As I've shared
with you before, I have been known to unload in public. You know the
comments it elicits about the fat woman farting. I've come to enjoy
those moments after years of being embarrassed. However, when I'm at the
dinner table, I do my best to stifle the sounds. This usually results in
an incredible silent but deadly. The trick is to look with eyes of
disgust at the person sitting immediately next to you. If you're the
first to do it, people will just assume the other person did it. For
extra insurance, snarly say "You nasty bitch". It works every day.

The trick is to look with eyes of disgust at the person sitting immediately next to you. If you're the first to do it, people will just assume the other person did it. For extra insurance, snarly say "You nasty bitch". It works every day.

First, thanks for the compliment. Second, your post-fart pretense is an old Jewish trick. I did not read that in a history book, it's just that every time I've heard your sure-fire fart-immunity method recommended it has come from a Jew, usuay a women. So the ploy must have been invented by a Jew or a woman or both.

I admit that unless i am with friends I am hesitant to fart in public. But I have my principles. I have my honor. Any person who cuts a fart in public on purpose or even by accident and refuses to take credit for it loses my respect right off the bat. Stand up and be proud - whether SBD or LOUD.

If you're going to cut the deadly boom
That slowly fills the shell shocked room
Don't hide in the shadows
Of refusal and gloom
Stand up and be proud
Of your deadly ka-boom
All together now
Breathe deep the raunchy fume
Of the newly born fart
Like a flower in bloom

On 9/23/2021 8:15 PM, Thomas Joseph wrote:
> The trick is to look with eyes of disgust at the person sitting immediately next to you. If you're the first to do it, people will just assume the other person did it. For extra insurance, snarly say "You nasty bitch". It works every day.
>
>
> First, thanks for the compliment. Second, your post-fart pretense is an old Jewish trick. I did not read that in a history book, it's just that every time I've heard your sure-fire fart-immunity method recommended it has come from a Jew, usuay a women. So the ploy must have been invented by a Jew or a woman or both.
>
> I admit that unless i am with friends I am hesitant to fart in public. But I have my principles. I have my honor. Any person who cuts a fart in public on purpose or even by accident and refuses to take credit for it loses my respect right off the bat. Stand up and be proud - whether SBD or LOUD.
>
> If you're going to cut the deadly boom
> That slowly fills the shell shocked room
> Don't hide in the shadows
> Of refusal and gloom
> Stand up and be proud
> Of your deadly ka-boom
> All together now
> Breathe deep the raunchy fume
> Of the newly born fart
> Like a flower in bloom
>

I do try when I'm among groups of people to stifle them. When I'm with
the girls at the hadassah, we let loose with the best of them and we all
take credit for our boomers. But not at the dinner table. I've posted
this thread in a few groups and the response so far has been about equal.

> I do try when I'm among groups of people to stifle them. When I'm with
> the girls at the hadassah, we let loose with the best of them and we all
> take credit for our boomers. But not at the dinner table. I've posted
> this thread in a few groups and the response so far has been about equal.

I don't like farting in front of strangers or even acquaintances unless I am accompanied by friends. Then we can laugh it up. I have what it takes to be a wild and crazy guy, but I am also inhibited in many ways. Whenever I do anything that gets a wild reaction - farting aloud in public, saying something rash, playing the clown in some way - I can't really enjoy it unless I'm with friends. They sort of buffer things out. I remember one time in L.A., I met a really nice look almost too healthy female at a local bar and invited her to my apartment. As I say, she was good looking and seemed to have a sense of humor, but there was something almost too wholesome about her that scared me, like she wasn't damaged enough for me. I was drinking. I had to fart. My couch was right next to the window - third floor = and my windows were always open. I jumped up onto the back of the couch and extended my ass out the window and cut a really loud boomer of which I was very proud. The girl was obviously disgusted and perhaps a bit shocked. She did not leave immediately. But within a minute of my fart she said, "I'm sorry, I have to go", and I knew why. The fart carried no odor that I knew of, and I felt especially honorable and considerate the way I stuck my ass out the window before cutting loose. Imagine if she left immediately, as soon as the fart was cut, and as she's leaving I'm running up behind her pleading, "No wait, please - you don't understand - it was out the window." Then giving up and letting her go as I stumble back into the apartment muttering over and over again with deep confusion over her actions, "It was out the window, for God's sake, it was out the window." Funny. True story except for chasing her down and begging her to stay. In a way I think I used the fart as a test. As I said she was good looking, very good looking, but too healthy looking which scared me. I had a feeling she was the type to put up limitations on behavior. So I gave her the fart test. I can't say if she passed or failed the test, because I have no criteria for that. All I can say is she left and I never saw her again.

> I do try when I'm among groups of people to stifle them. When I'm with
> the girls at the hadassah, we let loose with the best of them and we all
> take credit for our boomers. But not at the dinner table. I've posted
> this thread in a few groups and the response so far has been about equal.

In a crowded elevator or any public place I would never blame anyone for not taking credit for cutting any kind of fart, accidental or intentional. But among friends - I am not joking - anyone who doesn't doesn't take credit for their farts is no friend of mine.

Here's a true one. I was driving some regulars in the cab a short way at bar hour. A guy and his girl. Maybe ten minutes. We were laughing it up. Then a foul cloud enveloped the cab's interior. They were in the back. It was funny, almost like one of those mathematical logic puzzles with three guys in a room and one always tells the truth and the other always lies and one can go either way and you have to figure out who is who. I was behind the wheel. Silence enveloped the cab. I was gripping the wheel wondering if the girl thought I had cut the fart. A good half minute of silence went by although it seemed longer. Then the guy in back, Csontos, says, "Uh, Tommy, I just farted in your cab", and I swear to God the tension just lifted and I said over and over with great sincerity, "Thank you Csontos, thank you for admitting it." Later I thought maybe he confessed because his girlfriend was familiar with the smell of his farts and knew it was him. I didn't really believe it but I considered it. Anyway, after Csontos 'fessed up to the fart all tension and silence left the cab at which time I admitted to both of them, directing my words more at the girl, who I knew would get a kick out of admission that I was mainly concerned with her not thinking I was the one who cut it. Number one, I didn't care who cut the fart, I just didn't want the girl to think it was me. And number two, it was doubly funny for me to assume it could not have been the girl who cut the fart instead of me or Csontos. Anyway, Csontos fessed up and I congratulated him on it because as I said before, "Anyone who farts in the presence of friends and does not own up to it is no friend of mine."