On Sunday, 8 December 1996 at 13:30:00 UTC+5:30, Al Bundy wrote:
> Matt, the list you posted was great, but here's another one that you might
> want to add.
> An Al Bundy Christmas (taken from that hour-long episode with Sam Kinison)
> Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
> not a piece of food was stirring, not even a mouse.
> The children were sleeping, all tucked in their beds
> while the wife's constant whining was drilling his head.
> The stockings were hung round daddy's neck like a tie
> with a note attached that read, "Presents or Die!"
> But this year daddy had money all locked in the bank
> but they closed early. Now dad's in the tank.
> When all of a sudden, Santa appeared.
> His big pot belly and booze in his beard.
> "Ho ho ho!" As he laughed merrily,
> I said,"Santa, you do so much for others, do something for me."
> "Give it up Bundy, you only sell shoes.
> Your son is a sneak thief. You daughter's a flooze.
> Not only your children, but how 'bout your wife.
> Hair like an A-bomb, nails like a knife."
> He went back up the chimney, that fat old bum
> He mooned me 2 times and stuck out his tongue.
> He got back on his sled, and as he broke wind with glee,
> he said, "You're married with children. You'll never be free."

Here are the funniest Twas the Night Before Christmas Versions: https://humornama.com/jokes/twas-the-night-before-christmas-jokes/